I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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