Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
