Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
