last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
