when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
