He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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