I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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