we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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