i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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