I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
