we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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