im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
