Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
