kristin has been a bad kristin
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
