well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
