O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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