I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
