I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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