maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
