she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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