She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize