i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
