an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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