I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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