imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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