I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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