the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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