I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
