Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
