We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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