Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
