I wish my penis had an off switch
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
