Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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