Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
