i already hear my dad disowning me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
