As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize