Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
