Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize