I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize