Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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