This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
