if only i could text you this smell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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