Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
