i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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