My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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