My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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