I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
