Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
