entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
