I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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