Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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