I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
