my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
