The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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