Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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