look no pants
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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