So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
