At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
