i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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