no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
