i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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