I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Randomize
