I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
