Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
