I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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