I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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