So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
MIDGETS
????
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
