Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
