Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
