drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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