Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
