i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
