You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
