i think i recognize dicks better than faces
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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