I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
