I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
