My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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