Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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