I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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