i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
