You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
