After last night, I could never be a politician.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
being pregnant is like rehab
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
