Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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