ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm like, not good at living.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
