Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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