also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
