the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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