His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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