Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
