If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
