the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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