Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
