I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
