Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
