Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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