i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
