somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
