i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
