I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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