I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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