Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize