My room smells like vodka and shame
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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